“Only let me warm my nose inside your tent,” said the camel to his master. (If you don’t know the fable, Google it.)

“Now we only want what is fair,” comments the Wets, who I will now call “Bottomliners.”

Bottomliners have no interest but the bottom line and most every one of us fit in that category one way or another. Time magazine recently asked why more isn’t being done to rid the world of ISIS. Answer: They are not affecting the world economic interest very much. Bottom line, good for the military- industrial complex.

Why did the governor of Indiana back down on the Religious Rights law? When Bottomliners complained. I do not understand the laywerese and don’t know what the law really says. Very few really care… only the Bottomliners.

“Only let us have the right for alcohol sales in fine dining establishments that seat over 100 and make less than 25 percent on alcohol sales so people can have a drink with a nice meal without having to drive to Lexington, Louisville or Cincinnati,” the Bottomliners begged. And I have no problem with that. So how many such dining places do we have now? Two. Don’t count sports bars, even the most red of rednecks would not take his wife/lover there for a romantic dinner. Where do we still go for such occasions? Lexington, Louisville, Cincinnati.

Come on, folks, you go to a bar to drink, not enjoy one or two as you read a Shakespeare sonnet. (Every DUI person tells the officer he only “had a couple beers.”) How much alcohol does it take to impair a driver? Apparently only “a couple of beers.” How many people will have a designated driver? Most drunks won’t turn over the keys without a fight. They insist they can drive safely. Ask the families of those killed by drunks going the wrong way on interstate highways. But I guess that is good for Bottomliners who run hospitals, funeral parlors, etc., as well as saloons.

Even one of the largest pharmacy chains in USA, in the interest of health, has removed cigarettes because “second-hand smoke kills.” Now they have more space for alcohol even though second-hand alcohol also kills. Ask the families who have buried a loved one killed by a drunk. Of course there are laws against drunk driving. Tell that to a grieving widow or mother after the fact.

I could go on, but you get the picture. Will the unnamed investors live close to the 12 saloons that will be allowed to grace our town? I doubt it. Why don’t they have the guts to reveal who they are? No doubt some of our fine upstanding citizens want to get some of the bottom line and would be too embarrassed to come forth.

Where is MADD, AA, Recovery Works, Temperance League, battered women advocates and all the rest on the issue? Talk to some of them. Look at the arrest records in our local newspaper which claims it wants the best for our community. Their statistics are just as valid as those who say it makes no difference if we have a saloon on every corner. I recently came across a good book which gave good advice some 3,000 years ago… read Proverbs 23:29-30 — to see what the “most wise” of all men had to say on the subject.

But enough already… I want to enjoy the bottom line too. Where do I go to get license to run a whore house? After all they are giving/selling it now. City could tax it, it could employ all genders and races, educated and uneducated, rich and poor, attract more tourists, employ more police, lawyers and judges, construction of new holding facilities, be better controlled.

You get the picture. Why should people have to drive to Lexington, Louisville, Cincinnati for such services when we can supply their needs locally? Oh, I would call it by a different name (how about Goose Ranch?) but the bottom line is still the reason.

Will saloons and/or whore houses make our “best place on earth to live” any better? I doubt it.

Could they make it any worse? You can bet your sweet bottom line.

Ed Boden is a Georgetown resident.

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