Welcome back to Mister Smith's Drive-In for the third movie in our 13 Movies of Halloween series. I'm joined as always by my dog, Callie, and boy is it a beautiful day at the drive-in today because we've been watching "Slaughter High."

Before we get into the movie, I have a question for you Neighbor. What do you do with the mad that you feel? Do you punch a bag? Do you pound some clay or some dough? Well, if you're anything like Marty in "Slaughter High," you exact creatively gruesome revenge on the classmates responsible for your face accidentally getting melted in an April Fools' prank gone wrong.

What starts out as an extended swirly in the locker room turns into nitric acid to the face and an explosion in the chemistry lab for Marty while the Doddsville High students responsible look on and do nothing. Fast forward a few years and it's time for their class reunion on April Fools' Day. Only trouble is, when Marty's former classmates arrive at the party, they find themselves in an abandoned school scheduled for demolition. But they aren't alone. Someone in the Doddsville High mascot's jester costume is waiting, and has scheduled the former students for demolition as well.

I know: masked maniac with revenge on his mind and an arsenal of improvised weapons at his disposal stalking halfwits on a holiday. You've seen this before. In fact, in the slasher subgenre's "golden age" from 1978 to around 1984, a few of these came out each year: "Friday the 13th" and "Terror Train" in '80; "My Bloody Valentine" and "Halloween II" in '81; you get the picture. But "Slaughter High" is peak down-and-dirty drive-in movie: silly, gross fun that invites you to laugh along with it (remember: in our neighborhood, we don't laugh at movies; that's snobby). Plus it stars former Bond girl Caroline Munro. Many people that don't live in our neighborhood might think of her role in "The Spy Who Loved Me" as the peak of her career, but three years later she appeared in "Maniac" and around here we understand that that is truly the summit.

"Slaughter High" knows its audience: adolescent boys. And it's an excellent callback to the days of junior high sleepovers, when you'd stick the highly questionable VHS in the middle of the stack of movies so mom and dad wouldn't know what you and your buddies were watching at midnight. Nowadays I guess the sleepover horror rentals are maybe the Annabelle movies, which should be of deep concern to our neighborhood.

Anyway, we give "Slaughter High" all the stars. And if people can't accept that you enjoy lurid, disgusting movies like "Slaughter High," always remember: we like you just the way you are.

Recommended for you